Progressive for Halloween

My TikTok algorithm got scrambled after the weekend rallies, and my feed has been seeded with MAGA-Tok. That's how I saw her — a generically beautiful blonde in a red hat, smirking into the camera. She said she was going to "dress as a Democrat for Halloween" and “take half of everyone’s candy to give to the kids too lazy to go trick-or-treating.”

Funny? Sure, I giggled.

But also… wow. What a rich little capsule of propaganda.

I like the candy metaphor. I think it's useful to discuss wealth distribution. And I want to clear this up right away: No one advocates taking “half of everyone’s candy.” That story comes from people with enough Snickers to hack algorithms and muddy the dialogue.

What progressives (many of us are over the Democrats) actually want is for the bullies to stop taking all the candy. You know the kid: the type who dumps the whole bowl into their bag when the sign says “Take One.” The teenagers who corner the tweens and run a protection racket on the sidewalk. That’s who needs accountability — not Buzz and Woody politely swapping Skittles.

The Lazy Lie

This is what fairness really looks like: two kids on Halloween, swapping candy instead of hoarding.

And about those “kids too lazy to trick-or-treat”? Absolute nonsense. If a kid isn’t out there, there’s a reason: maybe their family doesn’t allow it, maybe they’ve had a bad experience, maybe they’re sick, scared, or unsupported. Maybe you gave them crap when they came to your door last year because they were too tall or too old or too whatever to meet your narrow definition of Trick-or-Treater.

That word — lazy — makes me cringe. It’s the same label used to shame anyone struggling in a system that keeps moving the goalposts.

Kids trick-or-treat if they can. Adults work, parent, and participate if they can. Your employee does the job if they can. If there’s a gap, there’s a reason — and that reason can usually be addressed with empathy.

One of favorite education reformers, renowned psychologist Ross Greene, said it best:

“Children do well if they can.”

I'd like to argue that the same is true for all of us.

The Real Redistribution

Progressives aren’t out to punish success. I’d like to live comfortably someday myself. What we want is to stop the hoarding — to say, “Hey, if you’ve stockpiled three buckets of Reese’s and the kid next to you has none, maybe share a handful.”

That’s what real accountability looks like. Words like “responsibility” and “hard work” have been twisted by bullies and oligarchs who use them to pin down the rest of us while avoiding them themselves.

There is no moral, spiritual, or economic justification for anyone to have more than they can consume. In fact, when too few people control too much — candy, cash, or power — the rest of us end up fighting over crumbs and blaming each other instead of looking up at who’s holding the bag.

The Side of Justice

I get why people side with the bullies. It feels safer. Bullies seem so strong and confident. But the truth is, they’re scared too — scared of losing power, scared of fairness, scared of being ordinary. And the scareder they are, the meaner they get. The meaner they get, the more likely they're going to turn on you, no matter how loyal a deputy you've been.

The power-class calls it human nature. They call it the price of progress.

Sorry, Charlie — that’s the oldest racket there is.

Sooner or later, enough people realize the candy bowl was always full enough for everyone. And when that happens, justice won’t be the dangerous side — it’ll be the safe one. The honest one. The American one. The side where citizens look out for each other, so all of us can do better.

If your family fought to be here. Or if they've been here long enough that you're descended from the Greatest Generation, then you know what side they’d pick. They fought fascists, not food stamps. They believed in we the people, not me the winner.

And if you want to wear that legacy with pride, start there. Meanwhile, I’ll be a progressive for Halloween — and respect everyone who comes to my door. For goodness sake, courage isn't a costume. I hope you'll look up, see who’s holding the bag, and still choose kindness.

Don’t side with the bullies. Share the candy. Tip the balance.

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